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Hard Bitchy Life
'Summary' After Dick Figures: The Revenge, it was revealed that Bitchess is pregnant, and Jones is really freaking out. 'Characters' *Bitchess *Jones *Jade *Rapper *Violet (mentioned) 'Transcript' (The episode begins during a scene from Dick Figures: The Revenge) Bitchess: Well, I need to tell you something... I'm- Jones: Not yet, this is more important. (Takes a deep breath) Karen Magenta, for the past year you have been the best girlfriend I've ever had, we started off fucking in the bedroom after you saw my dick in the bathroom, and the rest just went on from there. We are perfect together, we connect unlike anyone else we know, and I want to be with you wherever we go, and I need to do this. (Gets on one knee and holds Bitchess' right hand) Karen, (Pulls out a ring box with a diamond ring inside) Will you... Bitchess: I'm pregnant! (Everyone gasps in shock, as Jones has a shocked look on his face after hearing the news) Jones: Wait? Y-your pregnant? Bitchess: Yes! That's why I couldn't come with you on the adventure! I was too afraid to tell you because I didn't want you to feel disappointed! (Jones still has a shocked look after hearing the news, he slowly closes the ring box and flies off) Jade: Jones! Wait! (Runs off to follow him) Bitchess: J- Jones..? (It cuts to the next day, with Bitchess waking up in her bed.) Bitchess: (yawns and groans) Another boring day, begins! (Bitchess goes into her bathroom and looks at her stomach realizing she's pregnant) Bitchess: (groans) Why did Jones have to run away?! What is he, a chicken?! (Bitchess slams her sink in anger, but sighs, and sits on the ground.) Bitchess: Why, did this have to happen...? (sniffs) (Cuts to Jones in his bedroom asleep on his bed with his whole room all messed up with clothes and garbage everywhere, he wakes up to her his cellphone and see's it's Bitchess calling him) Jones: Oh fuck no! (Declines the call) Bitchess: (groans) Stupid Jones! (Bitchess hears her front door, and the person knocking is Jade) Jade: Bitchess, you home? (Bitchess opens the door for her.) Bitchess: (feeling down) Hey Jade... Jade: How are you, you know with this whole pregnancy situation? Bitchess: Ehh, it's going alright. Baby seems to be healthy. (pats her stomach) Jade: Then you seem to be handling this better than Jones is. Bitchess: (groans) Stupid Jones! I've tried to call him like a hundred times! Jade: He isn't bothering, he won't even talk to me, he now spends his nights out at the bar drinking until he blacks out, and tries to score with some chicks. I've been trying to not get involved, but he still gets his other friends to go out with him, like last night when he was with Rapper robbing a bank. Bitchess: (sighs and lies back on her bed) I think life's just getting too difficult for my life right now. Jade: Well Bitchess, you can't really do anything about it. (Bitchess stands up in desperation.) Bitchess: Yes I can. (Bitchess walks out the front door, and towards the hospital.) Jade: Bitchess wait! (Follows Bitchess) Bitchess: I'm going to abort this pregnancy! Jade: (Shocked) What! Why?! Bitchess: Well, first off, I hate children, and second of all, I won't be able to continue my bitchy life with a child! So I'm gonna abort the pregnancy! And if Jones can't see that, then we're done! (walks away) Jade: You're only doing this just because you can't even fix your flaws and become a better person?! Bitchess: Oh, FUCK THAT! I don't care about being a better person! Jade: (Grabs Bitchess' shoulder) You are such an awful person!! Do you really have no heart and guts to deal with having a baby and bringing new life into this world!?!? Bitchess: (sighs) Look Jade. To tell you the truth... I DO want to have this baby, but... I don't know how I'll be able to do it... I mean, Jones hasn't even replied to me in weeks. And I'm worried that I might become a very bad mother with my behaviour. Jade: (Sighs) Look, this is a huge responsibility for both you and Jones, but you can't let his inactivity make you a bad mother, there are thousands of single mothers out there and they're making it work, and if Jones can't make it work, don't EVER let it affect you being a bad mother, I'm sure when you have your child you'll learn how to be a mother naturally. Having this child will, change you, and most likely for the better, you'll learn along the way. Bitchess: You know Jade... your right. I'll learn how to be a good mother eventually. I can't let Jones' inactivity get in my way of being a good mother! Jade: And I'm sure Jones is going to want to be with you for the rest of your life, he's just as confused and fucked up with emotions as you are. Bitchess: Yeah... Jade: I just need to get it through his head... I just need to figure out how. (Bitchess shrugs) Jade: Now go home and relax, I'm going to go talk to Jones and get it through his head on what's going on. Bitchess: Okay. Oh uhh, Jade? Jade: What? (Bitchess hugs her without hesitation) Bitchess: Thank you. (sheds a tear) Jade: (Sighs) It's fine. (Bitchess walks home, as Jade goes off to find Jones.) (Jade finds Jones laying against a wall holding a bottle of whiskey drunk) Jade: JONES!!! What the fuck?! Jones: (Drunk) What? Oh hey Jade. Jade: Jones, it's ten o' clock in the morning! Jade: (Faceplams) Look, you need to straighten up, because believe or not, you are going to be a father!! Jones: (Gets angry) No I'm NOT!!! (Throws his bottle of whiskey to hit Jade but she dodges and she gets more angry) (Suddenly, Rapper comes up behind Jade, drunk.) Rapper: Don't lose yo shit Jadey. We're in wonderland! (Jade punches Rapper's face knocking him out, and she storms up to Jones in anger.) Jade: (Angry) Look at yourself!! (Picks up Jones and slams him against the wall) Bitchess was just about to get an abortion and kill the baby growing inside her!! She was about to kill something you created, DO YOU REALLY WANT THAT!!?? Jones: (Becomes quiet) No.... Jade: Then you need to stop this!! I can't stand by and let my best friend drunk every night ignoring the baby he's about to have, that's what was going on with my parents when I was younger and I can't see this happening to you and Bitchess!! Jones: Well... what about you, when I'm a father, I won't be with you, I'll be moving out. Jade: Don't worry about me, I'll still be around to help, plus I am starting something up with another woman, but my point is that this needs to stop, this isn't helping anybody!! Jones: (Sighs and becomes a little tears eyed) It's just going to be different. Jade: (Sheds a tear) It's all going to work out... I promise. (Jade hugs Jones and the two start to cry) Rapper: (burps) Man, I didn't know you guys were dating, IN WONDERLAAAAAND! (Jade punches Rapper in the face, and the two continue hugging.) Jade: (sniffing) Everything is going to be fine, you're going to be a great father. Jones: (Sniffs) I hope so. (It cuts to Bitchess sitting on her couch, listening to soft music, and eating a healthy snack.) (She hears her cellphone ring and see's it's Jones calling her) Bitchess: (gasps and picks up) Jones?! Babe?! Jones: Hey Bitchess, is there somewhere we can meet up? (Bitchess pops her head up, puts her phone down, and cuts to the two at the beach, sitting under an umbrella, with Bitchess sitting in her sexy swimsuit.) Bitchess: This was such a nice idea Jones. How'd things go for you? Jones: It was tough, and the swimsuit your wearing is making me want you more (shakes his head) but back to my point, it's been fucking hard dealing with this shit, and how we're going to be having a child now. Bitchess: Don't worry Jones, I'm sure it'll be great! Jones: I surely hope so, because now there's no turning back. Bitchess: Yep. Jones: Too bad we can't hit it like before. (Snickers) Bitchess: (seductively) Yeah. Jones: I mean we can't since we have a third person in this, and that person is Junior right here. (Touches Bitchess' belly) Bitchess: (giggles) Yep, this guy's gonna be just fine. Jones: I know, I just hope we'll do fine too. Bitchess: Yep. (Bitchess lies back on her towel. And Jones notices a red box in his pocket.) Jones: (In his head) I better not, maybe once me and Karen settle in as a family. (Lies down with Bitchess) (Episode ends) 'Trivia' *This episode was first posted onto DeviantArt due to Wikia issues. 'Poll' What do you think about Hard Bitchy Life? Terrible, I hated it. (1/5) It was okay, I guess. (2/5) Good, but not great. (3/5) Now this is cool. (4/5) THIS IS AN AWESOME EPISODE! (5/5) Category:Episodes